Author: Amy Lynn

He continues to be in the hospital. He has double pneumonia and the flu. He is having trouble swallowing and needs his esophagus stretched but he’s not strong enough right now. He is finally sleeping a lot and the nurses respect that and don’t bother him if they don’t have to.

The hospital won’t send him back to the facility that messed up twice, so I talked to the hospital case manager and asked for one that I know is very good. He’s been accepted whenever he is ready to go.

My mom is stressed out. She’s at the hospital everyday for at least 4 hours. She receives an incredible amount of phone calls everyday from friends and family asking for an update. His friends have gone up to see him each time he’s been in the hospital. Family from Ohio will be coming out this Sunday for a birthday lunch with my Mom and then they will be going to see my dad.

I’m exhausted. This has been emotional for various reasons. 10 hours in an ER is draining. I have been sleeping a lot since ending my time in social work. It’s like my body just let go of all the stress and now it just wants sleep!

Thank you for the prayers for my dad and family.

I went to see my Dad last night at the rehab facility. I sat with him and had him eat some food. He ate what he could but wanted to sleep. His oxygen level was at 96 when I left.

I was contacted at 3:51am saying his oxygen dropped to 88 and was on his way to the ER. They had him on a bipap machine when I arrived with my Mom. I provided information on what’s been going on and then they asked me, “Do we have permission to intubate him if needed?” My heart sank. When I was a hospital chaplain here I was with several families who were asked hard questions like this. My mind went back to COVID days when people were not coming off of those machines. I asked some questions and then told them yes.

He rebounded to the point of that not needing to be an option at this time. The bipap was working. His tests have all come back good. Chest xray didn’t show fluid in or around his lung but we are waiting to hear what the CT found. He still has the flu and has been given two antibiotics so far.

They now have him on just a nasal oxygen to see how he does. He had tried taking the bipap mask off and I told him no. He said “One minute.” I told him no and then got the nurse. Right now the nasal oxygen is working.

There have been two moments with him. I pulled a chair up next to his bed and had my arms on the bed railings. He reached up and grabbed my hand and held it. My mom got tears in her eyes and said, “He wants to hold onto you.” I felt something else break free so to speak. More healing.

After I got the nurse to help with some things, I went back in the room and sat by the bed again. He held his hand up, pointed to himself and then gave a thumbs up. I asked if that meant he was feeling better and he nodded yes and winked.

My mom went for a walk around shift change and came back and said the nurse stopped her and told her she was praying for him. They moved him to a different room in the ER while waiting to be admitted and there was a housekeeping lady outside the room. She ended up coming to the new room while he was in CT and started talking like she knew my parents. She didn’t. She said “You’re mom is just so sweet.” She was drawn to the room. Something is happening spiritually. I sense it and I see it being shown through the hospital staff. Something spiritual has been going on with me for almost two years now. Even though this is hard, I have a peace I wouldn’t have had two years ago or even one year ago.

Please keep praying for healing physically, emotionally and spiritually.

There has been so much going on since November (at least) and I have lost track of who I have told about what’s been going on.

Back in November, my Mom fell and split her head open ear to ear. It was bad and required 27 staples and some stitches. Thankfully there was no brain bleed. A few days after having the staples and stitches removed, her ear started to bleed and ended up in the ER again for around the 5th time since summer. It ended up being a bad ear infection.

After Thanksgiving, my Dad started to get his typical sinus issues that went into chest congestion, that turned into pneumonia and a collapsed lung along with kidneys not working correctly. He had somewhere around 5 procedures while in the hospital to drain fluid from his lungs. He was in the hospital for 20 days before being moved to a rehab facility. Within the first two hours of him being in the rehab facility, his oxygen level went down to 77%. Although the facility said they could provide oxygen, it just wasn’t true.

My mom and sister arrived and found my Dad sitting on the edge of the bed struggling to breathe, a nurse trying to find an oxygen machine that worked, and a food service staff telling my Dad he needed to order food. The staff were confronted and they finally contacted a Dr. and they were told to call 911. Once the EMT’s had him on their oxygen he was fine. The ER called the facility and asked them what happened and would not allow my Dad to go back until they could trust that facility. So…Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent at the hospital. We were able to do our Christmas dinner that evening but everyone was so tired which made it a very quiet evening.

Christmas Day, one of my sister-in-laws, went to be assessed for depression and was prepared to check herself in but they wouldn’t take her because of her heart issues. She had open heart surgery in August and they are not equipped if something happens. She has lost her parents and brothers over the past 5 years or so and her only remaining sibling is in prison, so she has been through some intense grief and it’s all hitting her now.

Now that the rehab facility has fixed the issues, the hospital sent him back for rehab. He started refusing to eat and refusing to do the exercises. My siblings have gone several times to see him. It took me a little longer to go, partly because I was wrapping up ending my time at work, having Mason, but also because this has been difficult to face. There have been two times when we were not sure he was going to make it through this, so I went to have THE conversation with him but it has never been able to happen. One time he was hallucinating so that wasn’t the best time. My prayer has been that this experience would change his attitude but he still treats my Mom bad, which makes it hard for me to go.

I took Mason New Years Eve day and he wanted to wear his Santa hat and bells. Everyone loved him. He and I got lost in the facility and ended up in the nursing home part and he ended up making the residents day. They ate him up and he was SO kind and loving towards them. He made friends with all the staff and one asked him for a new car for Christmas. Mason said, “Ok but you have to wait until next year. Christmas is over.” He cracks me up. He seemed to cheer my Dad up but when you are in the hospital for so long, depression sets in plus who gets to sleep in a hospital? He is exhausted and just wants to sleep. Baby Harvey came as well and he stole the show too. It’s awesome how kids help those in hospitals, rehab hospitals and nursing homes.

Yesterday was a day when I knew I needed to go and spend the day. All of my siblings were there. We ordered him several different types of food to see what he could handle. Protein drink and a Diet Coke to cover up the taste is what worked. We made sure he was sitting up in his chair to keep his lungs clear. I pulled up a chair next to his recliner and helped him with the protein drink. I told him he needed to drink and expected a fight but he didn’t fight it. He just looked at me and although there were no words, we both knew some kind of healing happened. It was incredibly humbling for me, and him, but freeing as well.

My sister got a phone call last night from my Dad’s nurse and told her he tested positive for Influenza A and has started on Tamiflu and is back on oxygen. Now we know why he couldn’t handle the food. Once this passes we are hopeful that he will be able to do rebab and get strong enough to go home. My mom has been incredibly stressed and we are all ready for this to be done and him be home. I am not under the illusion that he will be kinder after all this but I do know that I have let go of some things and allowed myself to be humbled to the point of serving him. It has been a lifelong journey.

Continued prayers would be good. Even though life has been crazy, I have been at peace. I continue to learn how to hold the hard and the good and how to balance it all.

I have officially resigned from social work! I can’t believe I stuck around another year after resigning last year at this time but I see reasons why God wanted me to stay.

I have talked before about just wanting to get back to mountain biking and kayaking and then I ended up selling all but three of my kayaks and the one time I rode my bike I was fatigued for over a week from long COVID. Instead, God grew this counseling ministry and had me slowly and steadily getting used to doing counseling and at a pace I could handle.

Now, it’s to the point that I don’t have space for all the new ones that are calling/emailing me about starting in counseling so I resigned from Lifeline. It was bittersweet but it went very well, once the director actually reached out and took the letter I was handing her! She was very supportive and all about this new adventure. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me.

I continue to have kids at Lifeline as well as in counseling, tell me about “Five Nights of Freddy.” Each one says, “Miss Amy, this isn’t evil.” Each one has anger issues. Each one has some pretty rough thoughts. Satan goes after children and my eyes are WIDE OPEN to it now. They are innocent and a lot have gone through trauma, which is a major way the Enemy gets in. I’m determined to give these kids and their parents tools that will stop the Enemy in his tracks.

A few hours after I resigned I got word that my Dad was not doing well. He has been in the hospital for a week or so with pneumonia in one lung and the other collapsed while in the hospital. His kidneys have not been working properly either. Last night they took 1.3 liters of fluid off of a lung and that brought great relief. He is having trouble swallowing so they are addressing that today, or at least they are supposed to. He struggles to breathe without oxygen so they have him doing exercises to try to strengthen his lungs. It was pretty iffy yesterday and the doctor continues to be concerned but right now he is ok.

I really don’t know where he is at with his faith. He goes to church with my mom and has a lot of friends there but outside of church you wouldn’t know he was a Christian. Prayers for that would be great.

I am very much at peace with my decision to leave social work and very excited for this new adventure. It’s been a long time coming but this is the right time to move forward.

I took Mason to a birthday party yesterday for a friend of his from school. I had been asking him for a few weeks what his friend likes so I knew what kind of gift to buy. He wouldn’t answer me and he wouldn’t ask his friend.

Yesterday morning at 6:30AM started the countdown to the 3:30PM party. I told him we had to get the present on the way and he asked what most kids ask, “Can I get a toy, too?” Nope. He got upset. We talked about how it’s his friends day and not his. That didn’t go over well! He would bring it up at different times and the answer was still the same…No. It resulted in having his tablet taken away.

When we were at the store, he found a toy he wanted and tried another tactic. He put his head down and said, “I really want that toy but it’s not my day.” I didn’t back down even though it was adorable! We had a talk about celebrating his friend and having a good attitude. (Hard for adults to do as well!)

He did great at the party. I was very proud of him for his kindness towards his friend. The kids got several game cards for the arcades and Mason pulled off the almost impossible. He played the large claw game. You know, the game that you almost never win at? You think you have it and then it drops back in the pile of cheap stuffed animals.

Well…not Mason. Mason won the 5,000 point thing. Not even sure what to call it but it’s the ONLY 5,000 point in the machine! Along with it he won a 100 pointer as well. Here are a few pictures:

So how did the learning moment go bad? He yelled out, “I’m so lucky. It IS my day!” Oh man. How do you argue with that?! And look at that face!

He chose toys wisely and has points to use another time. He put that light on his head last night and ran around with the siren on last night. He cracks me up!

I will say the party ended well. Mason went and thanked his friend for inviting him, gave him a hug and then thanked his parents for inviting him. I was very proud!

On the drive home last night he said, “Amy, it’s not his day anymore. It’s over.”

Soooo close!

This Thanksgiving was MUCH better than last years. This year I was on the floor because I was playing with Baby Harvey and not because of incredible fatigue from COVID. I could taste the food! I was relaxed.

There has been so much to be thankful for:

*LIFE…It’s a gift so hold on to it tight. I promise things get better.

*HEALING…God bringing different church hurts full-circle and showing me what I was protected from. Incredible anxiety that is now next to nothing. Coming full-circle with grief.

*21 days until I resign from social work!

*I can’t say I’m thankful for spiritual warfare but I’m thankful for Gods protection through it, the spiritual depth you have when you come out of it and knowing how to help others who are going through it.

*SHAUNA…5% chance of survival and now a walking miracle. Thank you, Jesus!

*MASON…My life definitely changed almost 6 years ago but I’m thankful for God using me as a mother figure in his life. Thankful for how sweet and caring he is. Thankful for his amazing sense of humor.

*MOM….5 trips to the ER since summer. God has protected her each time. This last one was too close for comfort but she’s doing well.

*CHURCH…Didn’t think I would ever say that again but I have found what I’ve missed from the church in Hawaii…an incredibly loving group of people.

*RESTORATION…God has restored my passion and confidence that I lost through a string of hurts. Still praying daily for a few more things to be restored.

Today was a good day.

There is a lot going on in my family right now and could use a lot of prayer.

*My mom fell last weekend and split her head from ear to ear. She said her back and arm hurt but not her head. She has 27 staples and 5 stitches. My mom has been dealing with arthritis since she was 3 years old. Her pain tolerance is very high. She’s endured a lot in her life so it bothers me to watch all of this happening.

*My brother-in-law is back in the hospital with another blood clot in his leg. The entire length of his leg, front and back. They removed it today but this is the second time in a few weeks.

*My great aunt from Goshen has a type of blood cancer. No cure but there are treatments that will prolong her life. They would argue with me on this but they are not Christian’s. They lost their two biological children to cancer when they were 8 and 15 years of age. Even though they are heavily involved in the mennonite church and Goshen College (professor) they do not believe in the Trinity. They adopted two children years ago and one of them has become a Christian so I’m praying she can talk to my aunt and my aunt becomes a Christian before passing away. They also lost a grandson two months ago in a bad car accident south of Goshen.

*A family member in Arizona is in hospice and is down to hours to live. He is a Christian so that helps. Such a great guy and very respected out in the Phoenix area. Pray for his pain. The morphine is not touching it.

*Shauna continues to heal and make progress but will not be able to return to her job. New chapter is starting for her.

*My sister-in-law is recovering from open heart surgery. She is struggling emotionally with everything but she is starting to comment about praying for people. Not sure where stands on faith so pray she becomes a Christian.

*Im supposed to be leaving tomorrow morning for a much needed long weekend. I’m still planning on going and praying that my BIL heals and comes home and my mom continues to heal.

Steps of faith are hard! Almost a year ago I submitted my resignation at work. I was burnt out and wanted nothing to do with social work. If you follow the blog then you know I ended up staying and eventually went part-time over the summer.

Part-time was absolutely the right decision. I was able to slow down and rest. Continue to let my ankle heal and manage the long COVID symptoms. My heart rate dropped to where it should be. My anxiety level dropped significantly. I started feeling healthy again.

I have watched God launch this counseling ministry over the last 6 months and I’m still in awe. I didn’t see this ministry coming. In fact, I was done with ministry. The location God chose for my office to be still floors me. It was hard going there every week over the summer but I took it as a time of more healing. Now it’s just bittersweet.

I believe God is asking me to take a step of faith, again, and resign from social work. I’m glad I stayed another year, though. I’m thankful for not resigning while being burnt out. I would have gone out on a low note and that’s not how Amy likes to do things. Now I can say that I’m going out because it’s time to move into the new.

I had two meetings yesterday and found myself a little emotional after each one. I have done this for 15 1/2 years. I have no idea how many families I have worked with. A lot! How many kids I have advocated for. It’s what I’ve known and have done very well in.

I sat at the office today and realized how much things have changed. There is no life in our office anymore. I rarely go there because it’s not busy with staff and clients anymore. It hit me that it’s time and that time is 4 1/2 weeks away when I submit my resignation. I cried. It came from somewhere pretty deep. I have great memories and I’ve had some awesome co-workers. I know the system, well, the best you can! It’s what I’ve known.

I’ve been watching the 4 page vision God gave me continue to come true. God has placed the right people in my life recently to help bring two things from the vision to life. I will share those things in time. I have found myself exhausted after work but energized after meeting with my counseling kiddos. I have less time for myself because I’ve been doing full-time hours even though I’m part-time. I can tell my mind is starting to be overwhelmed again and I refuse to go backwards.

So…I’m going to resign and put more time into growing the counseling ministry. After hearing kids say they turned to Satan, I’m determined to provide a place that offers the Truth. I’m going to write and create and launch what’s coming next. God is all over this. He’s the one who started it! God will provide, He always does. A new adventure is coming!

Prayers would be great. My clients are aware that I have one foot out the door and have begged me to stay. I really like my clients but there will always be clients that I would be leaving.

Prayers that more kids come for counseling.

I’m excited and scared all at the same time but it’s gonna be a blast!

COUNTDOWN: 4 1/2 weeks!

I help with an Adoption Support Group once a month in South Bend. It’s a total of two hours. Everyone has dinner together and then I take the kids so the parents can talk.

It’s an exhausting ONE HOUR! They are all great kids and we have fun but the hyperness is off the charts! I try calm activities in hopes they will stay calm…nope. I do team-building games to focus their attention on something and that works until they all start arguing. Last month they asked to play Silent Ball. YES! PLEASE PLAY SILENT BALL! It wasn’t so silent.

Tonight we played the Spam game. There is a chair in the middle of the room with a can of Spam under it. Someone sits in the chair and has a blindfold on. After hitting them in the face a few times with a pool noodle to see if they flinch because they can see through the blindfold, I give them the pool noodle. Everyone else is in a wide circle around the chair and I point to someone to be the one who tries to get the Spam from under the chair without getting hit by the pool noodle. I figure if you have a lot of aggression then just hit each other with a pool noodle. Nobody gets hurt. They loved the game and we played several rounds but somehow they argued over the can of Spam that was doing nothing but sitting under the chair!

They have been asking for months to play hide and go seek in the dark. NO. Well, I decided to buy a bunch of glow sticks and let them play glow in the dark hide and seek. They were very clever to put the glow sticks in different places than where they were hiding. I was impressed. A few rounds of that and the hyperness and arguing and I decided to just let them have a glow stick dance party. Why not put music to the chaos?!

I found kids Christian dance music on Spotify and played it through the speaker and guess what happened. They all started singing the songs! All were singing about Jesus.

These awesome kids came from some rough situations and they may have some struggles but thank you Jesus they ended up in Christian homes who play kids Christian music for them and invest in their lives. Thank you Jesus for rescuing them.

Here are a few pics of the dance party. Not the best pics but that’s ok!

They all left happy so it was a good night!